Relating theory proposes that, because humans are social animals, their relating to one another is a biological need, just like hunger or thirst.
The relating of humans, and animals, comprises of a need for proximity to others and a need for power over others.
The proximity aspect is further divided into the need for closeness to others and the need for distance from others and the power aspect comprises of the need for upperness, or dominance, over others and the need for lowerness, or submission, to others.
People are constantly, and subconsciously, working towards obtaining one or more of these states, or satisfying one or more of their relating needs.
To make life even more difficult, we are not satisfied with just achieving a desired relating state but, if we stay for too long in that state, we get fatigued and we then need to obtain the opposite state. For example, after being in a state of closeness with others for a while, we start to need our space and solitude and, therefore, start working towards achieving a state of distance.
A well adjusted person is expected to feel comfortable in each of the relating states at different points in time and depending on the circumstances. All of us, however, have a tendency to favour one or two states when relating to others or responding to the relating of others.
Closeness, distance, uperness and lowerness are the main relating states that humans oscillate between. However, by combining the four states, a set of four intermediate states can be obtained, such as upper-close, upper-distant, lower-close and lower-distant. Altogether, there are eight relating states, which is why the model is also called the relating octagon.